i + i = self care

Lunch break on Friday. It’s usually when I get a pedicure. It helps me relax and like Billy Joel sings in the Piano Man “forget about life a while”. It’s my hour therapy. If only I had a chair and a nail technician at my disposal I feel like every day would be a relaxing day.
This self care thing is important and I am sure that it will be even more important during this process. I used to do yoga and meditate. I really need to get back to doing this. I can’t be all worked up over everything going on around me. Although sometimes its hard to shut down when people are relapsing or you see friends struggling through a life threatening illness, or a major life event that is causing them pain. Just so you get an idea I’m a cancer and I feel everything other people feel, everything. I’m cursed with this thing I call over productive tear ducts. It’s like the faucet turns on and nothing can stop it. When I was active in my addiction those tears went away. I remember when they came back I despised it. Anyway back to self care. I’ve got to find a way to reduce my anxiety and stay centered. Self care is the solution. The last thing I want is a producing a child that lives in a fluid filled bag of stress. I have to think about something other than myself. This is for the greater good of another human being. I was thinking about it this morning, having a child has got to be the #1 most selfless thing you do because it isn’t about your wants anymore its about providing for the needs of an innocent fragile beautiful helpless baby. It has got to change you through to the depths of your soul. See here come those tears I told you about. Just the thought of a child brings me to tears.
~ Jessica (changing)