injection | A journey through IVF

It has been an uncomfortable few days. Since the retrieval on Wednesday my belly has been aching, and sometimes I think it even has a pulse. I think I am bruise inside! I went to work yesterday, not a good idea. I was soooo uncomfortable. I left 2 hours early to go sit on the couch with my dog with my feet up. In addition to them pocking and prodding your ovaries they give you a steroid called Medrol to take that makes you feel like you have to pee every 5 minutes. A constant pressure! I read the side effects on this and I think to myself is this really necessary?

The nurse called and out of the 13 eggs, 9 were viable, and 6 are ready to go!!! If the transfer is on Saturday then I will need to be there by 10:30 for an 11:00 transfer. Out of the 6, 2 will be transferred and the remainder will be frozen. Phil will also be providing another sample to be frozen as precaution so that he can begin his Interferon. He has an appointment coming up and wants to begin his treatment.

Last night was our first night with the Progesterone. We did the right side. This is an intramuscular injection. Needless to say I act like a complete baby! I threw a temper tantrum and even jabbed at Phil for not have good sperm! So not right. It isn’t just his fault because I have an undetermined cause to why I can’t get pregnant. After about 4.5 minutes I let him do it. I numbed the site with ice first (my friend Eliza taught me that). And tell you the truth I barely even felt it. So as usual I was project this terrible experience and for nothing at all. Phil massage the area afterwards and I placed a hot compress on it for about 5 minutes and walked around for a little while to keep my muscle active.

I woke up this morning and my belly felt better but my ass feels like I just did like 1000 squats and it has a bruise below the injection site. O the joys of IVF.

~ Jessica (determined)

Tonight is usually our date night but I have just returned from an evening with one of my dearest loves Wendita, and an old friend I haven’t seen in nearly 5 years, Holly Mama. I call the 2 of them together my minis!

We have a date night because our lives are busy. As I mentioned in an earlier post so having a night to ourselves is a rarity. We are recovering addicts, who choose every day to stay in the process of recovery. Part of that is an everlasting assortment of meetings in a fellowship that I shall not name. Work, eat, sleep, meetings, commitments, fun of course, and a life beyond our wildest dreams…combined with making time for sponsees and real friendships. Then of course life happens. We cannot conceive in the normal way nature intended, I like to thank Phil for that but in reality I have only been pregnant once that I know of and I haven’t always been the most careful person on the planet. I was in a committed relationship with the same person for 8 years and never got pregnant. So we by the advice of our Fertility Specialist, are moving forward with this IVF. IVF is the best choices for us as my husband is positive for Hepatitis C and I am not. More on this later…

So we, well Phil is about to inject our first shot of Follistim. There are 3 body parts that you can choose from; stomach, arm or thigh and these make up the Subcutaneous Injection site. Its a good thing that one of us has some practice in this department. We go to our fertility doctors website and watch the video a few times and prepare the injectable pen, it is a good thing they start with the easy one. But as we are about to thrust that needle into my stomach I begin to feel the panic set in. I am terrified what is it going to feel like, will it hurt, with the medication hurt? Panic of the pen is setting in. Tears begin to well up in my eyes, and I begin to laugh, for some reason I do this when I am nervous. Phil reassures me that it is going painless. I say something like “I have to do this, I have no choice” because really I don’t. I want a child or maybe 2 and this is the only way to make it remotely an option. Our dog can tell that something is going on, he begins to want to come save me, he is a mama’s boy. So after some back and forth and communication, WOW communication, we are able to move forward. I take a deep breath and Phil grabs a chunk of my stomach and well… I felt nothing. It didn’t hurt at all. Really?? I find it fascinating how in your head you create this monstrosity. The psychological will of the brain is baffling. Only 4 more nights of this and then on to the next medication. As I sit here typing this out I begin to feel some side effects. My lower back is beginning to ache and I’m thinking maybe tomorrow I should just get right to sleep so I don’t have to feel the side effects. My dog is waiting for me to pack up and head to bed so I guess I should. My last thought before I hit the pillow is that all day I have been thinking about how insignificant I am in the scheme of this great universe and how it isn’t about me getting my way. Whatever shall be shall be, we will see.

Jessica (breathing)