I hadn’t hear back from the nurse today. I waited until 3:00 before I called and left a message. I was waiting to find out what the next steps were, if I needed to take the Ganirelix (<—video information here). The nurse called back. I was in the middle of a meeting with one of our directors and my co-worker/friend. I excuse myself and the nurse starts giving me the protocol to follow for the next few days. She asks “have you taken the Ganirelix?” I explained how I was told to wait until I received a call. I need to take it and then continue with my Follistim, then come into the office Saturday morning for an ultrasound and blood work. Inside I am in full panic mode, as this means I have to try and give myself the shot. As I am thinking about what I need to do she says “jessica, you need to talk to your ovaries tonight and tell them to start working, we need at least 4 follicles to continue with this cycle, do you understand?”. WHAT!!! Oh know, I am so worried now. Not work??!! What does this mean? I thought the doctor this morning told me that I had 4 that were over 10mm.
So I hang up the phone. I immediately return to my co-worker & friend for nearly 25 years. I am freaking out, how will I stick this needle in my belly. We go to my office and I am shaking, I try. I take a breath aim, and NOTHING…I can’t do it. I can inflict physical pain on myself. She goes to try and she can’t either. She is nervous, so after about 5 minutes of this back and forth I pick up the phone and contact a fellow co-worker who has been through IVF. I drive to her office and she is already waiting with gloves and a alcohol wipe. I lift my shirt, she aims, pinch and a sting…DONE! That’s it? That’s all? I immediately start to get red around the area and a little bit of an itch but it didn’t hurt at all.
Now back to the fact that I have to make sure that my follicles are working. I have not control over this. It is the uncertainty that causes me fear. If this doesn’t work we need to start over again. This means that Phil will have to wait to start his Interferon for his Hep C. The medication he needs to take causes birth defects. I hate being uncertain. Its that icky feeling in your heart, and your belly that makes you nervous, anxious and ridden with a anxiety. So I do what I have been taught. I send out a mass text message to some of my girls asking for prayers and positive energy. They of course never fail me and respond. I have cheerleaders! It’s an amazing feeling.
Phil & I are moving forward with injections in my STOMACH. He rubbed my belly last night for good luck! This mornings injection went well. I played with my Shadow this morning and took him for ride in the car. Poor little guy, he has no idea how his life is going to change. I hope we can find another lab or golden soon. He needs a companion, we need a companion for him. I never want him to feel like he is being 2nd choice!
~ Jessica (positivity)
A journey through IVF 