baby | A journey through IVF

My appointment went well. I have a the beginnings of some tiny little follies AKA follicles. I went through my list of questions. The doctor was very nice. This being my first go around and HOPEFULLY my only round, I am just drowning in a sea of information. Going along for the ride without really knowing if I trust in the process. Not trust in the sense of they don’t know what they are doing but trust in that it just all seems so foreign. I know that the first baby born through IVF was in 1978’s, Louise Joy Brown (see video of birth). Research regarding conception has been happening since the 1800’s. If you interested see the Test Tube Baby Timeline. Since then they have obviously progressed leaps and bounds. I still worry about birth defects in relation to IVF but Louise Joy Brown (picture now) was healthy and she even has a family of her own. Birth defects happen right? So why should I be worrying about that!!?

Onward, onward we go. My nurse called and said to continue with the Follistim Pen (see video on how it works) at 300 units for the next 2 days. Then another ultrasound & blood work on Thursday and bring my Ganirelix. I left Phil know the plan and he is so relieved. We were both worried and for no reason of course!

Tonight I will be surround by women who love and care about my well being. I can’t wait! I need them too. So much to talk about.

This morning came quickly. It felt like I didn’t sleep very much but yet I was wide awake ready to start probably the second most frightening thing in my adult life. I’ll get to the first thing at another time. I had my usual coffee, delivery by my husband & a happy greeting from our dog.
As I set out in my car I realized that I’m driving to do something that morally I once thought wasn’t right. I decided I should put on some meditative music on my pandora. I choose Deepak Chopra radio. I need to relax. I don’t need to be thinking about morals right now. I pull one of my Angel cards. The word is LIGHT, which I find to be no coincidence as the song that is playing is repeating nam myoho renge kyo. I look around its dusk and life and light are beginning to come across the trees as the morning fog escapes the mountains. What a beautiful display of of our universe.
As I drive I think will I be a good mother. Will my child become the person I once was. Will this In Vitro Fertilization thing work. And again I pause and breath. This is not how I should be starting off this journey. I call my husband. He doesn’t answer. I begin to feel my anxiety. He texts me this “I love you boo, good luck at the doctors. I’m there with you in spirit.” he texts again “Sorry boo, alot of problems left over from yesterday.” I pull into the clinic parking lot thinking where is he when I need him and my phone rings. It’s him. He says “sorry boo, nothing is as important as you are.”
I arrive early as I have to try and get an ultrasound & blood work. They call this the baseline. Don’t understand what that is yet but we will see. There is a lot to learn.
I’m sitting here now and so far there are 6 women all at different places on this journey. This is comforting because I know that I am not alone in this strange new unnatural not how nature intended it to be baby making journey.
~ Jessica (hoping)